


Stay Alive

by MidgardianNerd



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Amputation, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Not fallen Ben Solo, Pathfinder!Ben Solo, Slight Luke Skywalker bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-30 17:55:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18320333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/pseuds/MidgardianNerd
Summary: The war is over but Poe still can't breathe.





	Stay Alive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [idrilhadhafang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/gifts).



> For my dear Idril who needed some comfort. It's late here and I admit that I'm posting it quickly because I have to go to sleep soon so maybe I will edit it tomorrow if I find too many mistakes. That's not fluffy at all but I'm unable to write without putting our boys through angst. Sorry.

Poe was sleeping in the corner of their base mess, trying to catch up years of delayed sleep like everybody around him. For the last two days, people were acting in a mix of euphoria since they put an end to the war against the First Order and a strange feeling of emptiness, not knowing what to do of their next day now that the fight was over. The logistic staff were trying to answer to the Resistance’s needs, improvising beds and dormitories where they could, not wanting to put too much effort in it since they would probably leave this recent base very soon. General Organa, Master Skywalker and the other high officers who survived the conflict began the work to rebuild the Republic and Poe wasn’t needed. Leia proposed to him to join them, saying that Poe could help them in the next step of the fight but Poe refused. He was exhausted, fighting over and over, without interruption for the last ten years of his life and now he wanted nothing more than peace. Going back to Yavin. Living a very boring life. He thought he deserved this at least. He saw the deception in Leia’s eyes but Poe frankly didn’t care. She asked him a lot all those years and Poe was there every time she needed him. Now, it was time to live his life for himself, to think about him before the greater good. 

The young Commander was softly petting BB8, buried in the crook of his arms, needed the comfort of his droid. He felt grateful that BB-8 went through this war unharmed. He wouldn’t have stand to have to say goodbye to his beloved droid. His squadron used to make fun to him, saying he was treating the little machine like his child but Poe never took offence. Because it was true. BB has been in his life for almost two decades now, it has been there in the most awful moments of his life. Poe could feel the droid buzzing with frustration and he smiled softly. BB has been like that for the last two days, waiting maybe even more than Poe the return of his maker. 

 

“Dameron! Wake up!” screamed someone and the following second, a pillow was hitting his face. 

 

The young pilot groaned before standing up, blinking few times to try to see his assailant. After few seconds in blurriness, Poe recognized Jessika and the look on her face shut him up. Jessika used to be the playful little shit, always ready to play pranks on them but now, she wasn’t joking. In her eyes, he could see the exhaustion but also the fear and maybe a spark of hope. It couldn’t mean only one thing. The Falcon was back!

 

* * *

 

When he saw the familiar shape of Han Solo’s ship, Poe felt tears tingling his eyes. He was hoping this moment for the last two days. Han left three weeks ago with aboard, their best team of pathfinders, trained by Poe’s own father for the last five years. Luke and Leia were reluctant to let them go. For an unknown reason, they never truly believed in the revival of the Pathfinders. Poe suspected that it has something to do with their leader. 

Five years ago, Ben Solo came back from the Academy when Luke Skywalker finally decided to join the fight. Skywalker was bringing with him a new generation of Jedis, a full display of hope and everybody in the Resistance was really impressed with them. Except maybe Poe himself. Poe never has been fond of the Jedi master, especially after Ben told him everything about what he lived at the Academy. When Ben left in his teen years, Poe and he were sure that Luke could help him. It didn’t happen like that at all and Ben lived something closed to Corellia hell all these years. More than once, Ben felt like he was losing himself and more than once, Poe truly thought that he would lost him to the Dark Side. But Ben was a fighter and with Han and Poe’s help, he managed to go through it, even made a point to finish his apprenticeship because he had the Solo’s defiant spirit and wanted to prove to Luke that he wasn’t useless like Skywalker seemed to think. 

Though, once back with the Resistance, back with Poe everyday and with his father’s support, Ben decided to give up the small Jedi army that Luke created. Poe supported him and he thought that Ben would join one of the many squadrons of the Resistance fleet, the boy finally becoming a pilot like his father, like he always dreamt of it. Poe was already seeing them flying side by side when Ben surprised everyone. Ben Solo went to get Kes Dameron and asked him to train him in Pathfinder’s methods. The old man accepted and for months, he took personally to make of Ben Solo the best Pathfinder ever. 

At the beginning, Ben was alone in this training and Luke was accepting it like one of Ben’s whim, maybe making the boy closer to a Jedi Sentinel than a regular Jedi but still a Jedi. Though, after few months, Ben began to draw attention and soon, other Resistance members asked to be trained as Pathfinders. That was when Luke and Leia began to see reluctantly Ben’s new choice of career. The selection was hard but after two years of training, a new revival of Pathfinders was born, Ben as their leader. Han and Kes had to fight for this new team the right to participate to the missions, the Resistance’s leaders having the strange obsession to rely only on their fleet. 

The beginnings had been a little bit chaotic but after few months, nobody could contest their efficiency. And Ben emerged like a true leader. In his new position, he found stability and focus like Jedi’s apprenticeship never has been able to give him. Poe loved this new Ben and the last three years have been some of the best in his life. Now he wanted those years to just be the first of at least the next 50 years of their life. He wanted to take back Ben to Yavin and for them to build a new life together, far away from the war and the Jedis. Just both of them, their BB, fixing some ships, creating others. With the regular visits of their fathers. Poe wanted that more than anything else in the world. It was what kept him sane for the last months. Now, he just needed Ben to be back at his side. 

 

Ben left three weeks ago, with their both fathers and his team. The end of the war was close and everybody knew that the Pathfinders could really do harm to the First Order by destroying their different bases on different planets. So they embarked aboard the Falcon for a marathon of destructive raids. Poe knew they succeeded but he still didn’t know if Ben was still alive. They said farewell to each other, not being enough stupid to believe that it was certain they would both survive to the final fight and they wanted to be sure to not live with regrets. But still, Poe wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Ben. He didn’t want. Losing Ben would destroy him. After all he went through, losing Ben would finish to destroy him. 

So Poe was there, on the tarmac, with Paige and Jessika at his side, the girls waiting for Tallie and Poe knew the same fear than his was clenching their stomach. The three of them wanted to know if the war ended to take them everything. Like all the people around them, ready to welcome their loved ones, their last soldiers coming back home. 

Poe felt his breath hitching in his throat when the Falcon’s door opened and the first Pathfinders stepped down. All looked exhausted but their faces broke in smiles when they finally spotted their friends or families in the crowd waiting for them. There were wounded soldiers and some of the Pathfinders were taking down bodies wrapped in shrouds. Poe felt tears in his eyes when he spotted the dead bodies, knowing that their names and faces were now carved into Ben’s memory and would never left him, like Poe’s fallen pilots would never left him. The war was over but the ghosts would still be there, with them, for a long time. 

 

Poe smiled softly when he spotted Chewie helping the wounded soldiers to be taken in charge by the medical staff. It wasn’t the first war the Wookie faced and Poe felt grateful that he survived this one too. Finally, a blond head with braids appeared and Poe felt Jessika and Paige shifting on their feet, tearing apart between joining their lover and supporting Poe until he found back his. 

 

“Go!” whispered Poe with a little smile to his friends, nodding to assure them that he would be okay. 

 

Paige smiled shyly to him and Jess pressed his hand in his before they both ran towards Tallie, burying the young woman in their arms and pressing kisses in her hair, the three of them crying in relief to be back together. Poe let them reuniting, knowing that now he would have all the time in the world to hug Tallie and welcome her back home. 

Now, to be honest, he had something else in mind. Because his father, Han and over all Ben were still not there and Poe felt his heart tightening into his chest. In all his worry about Ben, never came to his mind the possibility that he could also lose Han and his father. Poe felt like his world was crashing down around him, the whole future he pictured in his head for months disappearing like smoke. 

Then, through blurry eyes due to his tears, his father appearing, emerging from the Falcon’s interior and Poe left out a sob before running into his father’s arms. In the next minute, he felt his father’s arms around him, pressing him hard against his chest and Poe broke down in tears, his face buried into Kes’ neck. 

 

“My boy!” whispered Kes and Poe felt his father’s tears against his temple. Only now he could imagine the fear of his father to have lost him like he lost Shara. Poe now understood too well and he loved his father more than ever. 

 

They stayed like this for long seconds, both feeling grateful to have the other one still there with them. Kes took a step back, cradling Poe’s face in his hands before checking him up. Poe saw him sighing with relief when he spotted no wounds on Poe’s body. Poe did the same with Kes. 

 

“Where is Ben?” asked Poe and what he saw in Kes’ eyes terrified him. “No.” sobbed Poe. “Dad! Tell me he is okay.” cried the young pilot and Poe feared the answer of his father when he saw him opening his mouth. 

“It takes more than a war to kill a Solo.” grumbled a weak voice behind Poe and the young man turned around. 

 

Emerging from darkness were Ben, his right arm on his father’s shoulders so the old man could support him. The young man looked like hell. He had cuts on his face and one of his eyes was red with blood. The young pathfinder was limping but Poe was barely noticing it because he couldn’t look away from Ben’s left arm. Or more accurate, where Ben’s left arm should have been. 

Poe looked up to watch Ben’s face. The smirk had disappeared to let the insufferable pain distorting his face. Poe threw a look to Han and for the first time in his life, he saw the old man crying, unable to look at his son’s wound. Ben’s eyes left Poe’s face for a second to look at his father. Ben slid a hand in Han’s silver hair and resting his forehead against Han’s. Both whispered something and Han swallowed his tears before softly kissing his son’s forehead. The old man threw a look to Poe and in the second, Poe took his place at Ben’s side, supporting him. Kes and Han left them alone, walking towards Leia and Luke, letting some intimacy to the lovers. 

 

“What happened?” asked Poe, his voice shaking with sobs and he hated himself for that. Ben was there, Ben was alive. An arm less was changing nothing. 

“A bad meeting.” groaned Ben. “You should see the other one.” joked Ben before whining with pain when Poe moved them too roughly.

 

Poe stopped before taking place front of Ben. The young pilot took his lover’s face in his hands and looked at him long, for the first time since three weeks. 

 

“I’m so sorry.” cried Poe, his thumbs stroking Ben’s cheekbones.

“Don’t.” whispered Ben, his right hand wrapping around Poe’s wrist. “You respected our deal. You’re still alive.” said the young man, softly kissing Poe’s palm. 

“You too.” smiled softly Poe. “I should maybe have make a point to specify to not lose any body part.” added Poe, insecure about if their banter was still adequate in this situation. 

 

Ben looked at Poe few seconds before bursting in laugh, throwing his head behind him and Poe feared that war finally got the best of Ben’s mind when his lover’s laugh became sobs and the young man collapsed into Poe’s arms, his face buried into Poe’s neck. Poe grabbed Ben’s shoulders, pressing him hard against him before crying with him. 

They stayed like that for long minutes, pouring out their hearts into each other’s embrace; their exhaustion, their fear, their relief. They reunited, feeling grateful, to be alive, to be together.

 

“You still have your mother’s ring?” asked Ben, mumbling into Poe’s neck. 

“Yes.” whispered Poe, confused.

“Ask me.” replied Ben and it took few seconds for Poe to understand. 

 

For the last two years, Poe asked more than once for Ben to marry him. The young man always refused it and it brang some conflict in their relationship, Poe not understanding why Ben didn’t want to. Now, he began to understand. 

 

“Ben Solo!” whispered Poe with adoration, his chin on Ben’s shoulder so he was unable to look at him.

“Yes.” breathed out Ben and Poe grinned, his heart burning with love.

“Marry me.” said Poe.

“I already answered.” replied Ben and Poe could guess the cocky smile on his lips so he pinched Ben’s arse and the young man yelped. “Fortunately my butt got no damage during the fight.” added the young pathfinder and Poe knew that everything would be alright for them. 

“I will be forever grateful for that.” smiled Poe, finally taking a step back to look at his lover. 

“I knew you only loved me for my arse.” sighed dramatically Ben and Poe chuckled.

“That the most amazing arse I’ve seen in all my life.” winked Poe and he saw Ben’s chest swaggering with pride.

“I know.” smirked the other man and Poe couldn’t hold it back longer. He slid a hand in Ben’s hair and dragged his lips to his, sighing in Ben’s mouth. 

 

Ben wrapped his arm around Poe’s waist before answering with passion to this kiss. It has been too long and both men were breathless soon, yet unable to tear themselves apart. They had to do it when they felt three bodies crashing into their, wrapping their arms around their own embrace. 

 

“Of freaking course Solo!” screamed Jessika, punching the man in his arm. “Like the scar wasn’t enough, you had to lose an arm too.” 

 

Poe was ready to berate her but Ben was already answering to her, finding quickly back his banter with Poe’s best friend and Poe witnessed the relief in Jessika’s eyes, the young woman finally letting herself admitting that she feared to never see Ben again. Poe couldn’t hold that back against her. Paige was scolding her girlfriend before beginning to make plan to build a prosthetic arm for Ben and soon, the both engineers were elaborating on useful gadgets for Ben’s future arm. Poe couldn’t hold back a smile when he felt someone pressing against his arm. When he looked up, Tallie was there, her blue eyes shining with tears.

 

“I’m sorry to haven’t be able to protect him.” sobbed softly the young girl. 

“That’s not your job Tallie. That’s mine.” whispered Poe. “And you know how stubborn he is. He wouldn’t have let you being hurt at his place.” added Poe with a wink and he saw the young girl smiling softly, nodding with amusement. Poe kissed her cheek before poking her nose with his. “You’re back home. Both of you. That’s what matters.” said Poe, looking back at his lover laughing and trying to flee Paige and Jessika’s hands messing his hair. 

 

They all lost something in war. But what they gained in return was so much more important. 

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr: @midgardiannerd  
> Our darkpilot Tumblr: @knightsofdamnren


End file.
